In control or out of control…given a choice between those two, you would choose the first one. Being in control is something to strive for; being out of control is something to avoid.

There are many versions to this story, probably because it contains some truth. In different places across the world, natives have created a way to trap monkeys. Now, monkeys are smart creatures, so you would think this trap would have to rather complex; in fact, it is quite simple.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and suddenly realize that you have heard little of what they were saying? Have you been talking among a group of friends and suddenly realized that your mind has wandered? Perhaps you have had someone complain that you aren’t listening. It is not unusual to respond to that complaint with something like, “I’m sorry; my mind was somewhere else.” So where, exactly, is that somewhere else, and how do you get back to here?

You may not realize it, but there is a lot going on when you breathe. For example, when you breathe in, you activate what is called your stress response; it is also call your fight or flight response. When this response is activated, your heart rate increases, and your pupils dilate. You become more alert and the tension in your body increases.

When you are dealing with something like anxiety or stress, the only way you can imagine the presence of laughter and humor in your life is to see it as a temporary distraction from the anxious and stressful thoughts and feelings that seem to dictate the way you see and act in the world. But there are many ways that humor can be a therapeutic tool in your struggle with anxiety.

Learning how to develop response-ability to your anger means understanding how anger develops. You may not think that there is a process to anger; it just seems to happen, and you have to figure out how to manage it. In their book, ACT on Life Not on Anger, Georg H. Eifert, Matthew McKay, and John P. Forsyth identify five components to anger.

One of the myths about anger is anger and aggression are instinctual to humans. When we buy into this myth, we are able to justify our anger and refuse to take responsibility for it. And when we combine that with another myth—that anger is the result of what someone has done to us—then this innate angry response is on the other person, not ourselves.

While anxiety is an emotion that seems to be problematic, even wrong, you have lots of people that will tell you that anger is normal and natural. After all, not everybody has anxiety or panic, but everybody gets angry. I would question that anxiety is a problematic emotion, but it is true that no one will go through life without emotional pain and anger. 

Who are you?  One of the most basic and simple questions in life.  How you answer the question may depend on where you are.  You can picture a social setting where someone you do not know approaches and asks, “Who are you?”  

Let’s begin with an exercise. Think about the worries and fears that drive your anxiety. When you have a sense of them, complete each of these statements with the first noun that comes to mind.

My worries and fears are like…

My responses to my worries and fears are like…

Looking back at the quote above, ask yourself: Did you select words that are fluid, soft, and gentle?  If you struggle with anxiety, probably not.