Who are you?
One of the most basic and simple questions in life. How you answer the question may depend on where you are. You can picture a social setting where someone you do not know approaches and asks, “Who are you?” Most likely, you begin with your name. Then perhaps, you might go on to say where you live or what kind of work you do. You might mention hobbies or sports in which you have interest. All of these responses are, in some way, answers to the question. But some part of you knows that you are much more than these answers.
Let’s step out of a social setting and imagine you are in a quiet place alone where you can really give your attention to this basic question. Who are you? Maybe your first response is to look in the mirror at your body. This is who I am. But which version of your body is you? The body you had as a toddler is very different from the body you had when you were ten…or twenty…or forty. Over a period of seven years, most of the cells in your body have been replaced, so you are not the body you were born with. So, who are you…really?
Looking For Answers
You thinking mind is always looking for answers, so if you stay with the “who are you?” question for a while in this quiet place, you will start to come up with a variety of self-descriptions. I am a generous person. I am not good doing mechanical tasks. I am someone is deeply spiritual. And if you struggle with anxiety, eventually there will be self-descriptions like “I am anxious” or “I worry all the time.” Like your name or where you live or the work you do, your anxiety and worry are answers to the “who are you?” question, but some other part of you knows that you are much more than these answers.
This other part is the observing self. Our bodies change. Jobs change. Roles in life changes. Beliefs and ideas change. And yet, with all these changes, you still have a deep-seated sense of continuity. This feeling of continuity is always there, but you can lose our contact with it by getting caught up in all the stories you tell about yourself. If you struggle with anxiety, it is easy to let the anxiety story be the dominant answer to “who are you?” You may wake up feeling and thinking about your anxiety. You start to think about how you are going to get through the day with all this worry. The answer to the “who are you?” question doesn’t go beyond the anxiety of the day.
An Exercise
It is in moments like this that it would good to make contact with the observing self. Here’s an exercise that will help you with that. So let’s go back to the original question. Settle into a comfortable position and bring this question to mind: Who am I? I am…
I am a person who…
I like…
I do not like...
Now, watch as your mind provides answers to the question. It might be helpful to write down all the answers your thinking mind gives you. Notice what it feels like to hear all of these answers. Do you get caught up in them? Do you find yourself disagreeing with or arguing against any of them? Do any of them seem to contradict each other?
I AM
Now, setting aside all of these answers, return to this simple response to the question “Who am I?” I am. I am. As you breathe in, think or say, “I am.” As you breathe out, think or say, “I am.” Most likely, you will feel your thinking mind want to add something to this simple statement. But if you can stay with the “I am,” your observing self will realize that all of these descriptions are ultimately incomplete and inadequate.
Who are you…really? You are more than your body or your job. You are more than emotions like anxiety or worry. You are more than your limiting self-descriptions. From the place of the observing self, you can see and know that you are so much more than these answers. Then, you can choose a way to be and live that is more in line with what gives you meaning.
Learn more about my approach to anxiety treatment.