The difficulty lies not in the new ideas, but in escaping the old ones.
John Maynard Keynes
There are many versions to this story, probably because it contains some truth. In different places across the world, natives have created a way to trap monkeys. Now, monkeys are smart creatures, so you would think this trap would have to rather complex; in fact, it is quite simple.
It consists of a gourd or some similar object (perhaps a coconut). You drill a hole just large enough for the monkey’s hand to get through. To add some weight, you would put some sand or pebbles, then you would chain it to a stake. Inside the gourd, you place some food that the monkey would like: rice, nuts, or fruit.
Here’s what happens. The monkey sticks a hand through to grab the food, but with his clenched fist, he can’t get his hand out, and the gourd is weighted and chained, so he can take it with him. But he wants the food so he will keep coming up with different ways to get his fist out with the food.
There are no cages or snares, but the monkey is trapped.
He is doing what he has always done…finding food and grabbing it with his fist. It makes perfect sense. He doesn’t entertain the idea that this behavior he has always done is now putting him in danger. It seems obvious to us that all the monkey has to do is let go, and he can escape. If he can do something new, something he has never done before, he can be free.
You may discover many insights as you play with the images from this story. It invites you to look closely at the attachments in your life. What, really, do you treasure most in life? Are there ways that you are being trapped by what you treasure…other people, work, material possessions?
The monkey is trapped, but not by anything physical. He is trapped by an idea. This idea has served him well in so many situations, but in this situation, it not only doesn’t work; it puts him in danger. This is an insight that can invite you to a different response to your anxiety. The thoughts and feelings of anxiety and worry do not feel good when they show up. When something doesn’t feel good, you figure out why and you do something about it. It doesn’t feel good to be bitterly cold, so you come up with a plan. You bundle up with more clothes or you go inside to get away from the cold.
This idea that works so well dealing with cold doesn’t work when dealing with your anxious thoughts and feelings.
But like the creature holding tightly to the food, that doesn’t keep you from trying. You try to figure out where the anxiety is coming from so you can address the source and the anxiety will go away. Or perhaps you will try to avoid the anxiety, distracting yourself or staying away from places that may stir up anxious feelings. These actions may give you some short-term relief from the worry, but it usually comes back stronger than ever. And even if it keeps the anxiety at bay for a time, you are not living the life you want. You are trapped.
The story’s solution, for both the monkey and you, is acceptance. It is an invitation to stop holding onto and trying to control the anxiety. Acceptance involves allowing the anxiety to be there, observing it, even welcoming it. You practice this acceptance so that you can get enough emotional flexibility to make choices about your life that are more aligned with what you value.
If you would like to know more about this approach to dealing with your worry, I invite you to visit my anxiety treatment page.