Control is something that all of us want.
In control or out of control…given a choice between those two, you would choose the first one. Being in control is something to strive for; being out of control is something to avoid.
And yet, we all know that there are lots of things beyond our control. This is something we know, but with the presence of a COVID pandemic that has been going on for months and doesn’t seem to have an end anytime soon, this lack of control is something we experience deeply. The pandemic controls our movement; it tells us where we can and cannot go. The pandemic controls our interactions with others; there are friends and loved ones we may not have seen because we want to protect them and ourselves from a threatening virus. The pandemic controls what we hear and see; news outlets and social media are sharing so much information and so many opinions about COVID that it seems the pandemic has become the lens through which we view the world around us.
A common experience for people who deal with anxiety is the sense that life is out of control. And when it seems your life is out of control, well, you redouble your efforts to get it back. But how do you get control of your life in the presence of a pandemic? There it is again…so many things beyond your control. Here is a suggestion. While you may not be able to control all that is happening in your life, you can add some rhythm to your life.
The word “rhythm” comes from Greek and Latin words that mean “measured flow or movement.” The word is related to ideas like proportion, symmetry, arrangement, order, form, and shape. Rhythm has a sense of freedom that the rigidity of control does not. There are lots of things that you cannot control, but you can develop a flow or movement, an order or shape to your life, no matter what is happening.
In the May/Jun 2020 issue of Psychotherapy Networker, several mental health practitioners offered short reflections on ways you can deal with the impact of the pandemic on your life. Dr. Dan Siegel, the executive director of the Mindful Institute, offers seven daily activities that support a healthy mind. Finding a balance of these activities can help develop a rhythm to life, especially in these days when life seems out of control.
Time In
This is a time when you can engage in a formal mindfulness practice, like yoga or some form of meditation. Some type of inward reflection and bodily awareness helps you develop focused attention and open awareness.
Connecting Time
This is time when you intentionally connect with people. With the wonder of technology, you can still connect with others even if you can’t be in their physical presence. Siegel points out that this time is not just about connecting with people; it is connecting with nature also. Making these kinds of connections with others and the world around you can help with the sense of isolation that is especially powerful in these times.
Focus Time
This is time when you focus on something external, and you do it with intent and discipline. Reading a book is a good example. Instead of becoming something to pass the time, you can say, “For the next half hour, I am not going to be distracted by anything else. I will give myself to the pleasure of reading.” When you do an activity with focus, you learn more, you remember more, and you enjoy it more.
Play Time
This is a time to do something that allows you to laugh and to be spontaneous. Turn on some music and dance, even if you are by yourself. Play a board or card game with a friend. You will need a sense of humor to deal with the challenges of the pandemic.
Physical Time
This is a time to move the body. More than ever, you may find yourself in front of a screen for a meeting or to get the latest news about COVID. A workout regimen would be helpful, but it is also easy to get up and walk around the house or around the block.
Down Time
This is time not to do anything specific and just be. Research shows that our minds need to wonder. This time might include listening to music, doodling on paper, watching a show, or sitting on the front porch with a snack or a drink.
Sleep Time
Siegel says that sleep is healing for our brains. “Think about it this way: the 16 hours you’re awake is like a big party for your neurons. They’re doing lots of stuff, but during sleep, they rest. The party’s over and the cleanup crew comes in.”
One final word. Don’t try to come up with a rigid schedule for each of these times. That feels like control. Some of the things that you do now could be part of these times, but when you do them with intention and meaning, they become a part of the rhythm of your life.
For more information about my approach to dealing with anxiety, please visit my anxiety treatment page.