Earlier I wrote a blog that talked about the difference between fear and anxiety (Fear and Anxiety: What are They?). I described how fear is focused on the present, a real threat that is right in front of you. It is fair to say that COVID-19 is more than right in front of us; it is all around us. Not just the spread of the virus but the media coverage about it.
And as I mentioned in the blog, we need this fear. It motivates us to take action. We do things that in a normal situation make no sense or seem strange. We shelter in place and stop gathering with our friends. We stop going out to eat or going to church. Some of you have closed your business, knowing that it may not survive. These are real actions based on real fear of a dangerous virus. The fear says, “This is important. Pay attention. Do what you need to do for yourself and others.”
While fear is focused on the present, anxiety is focused on the future. And like fear, anxiety is a normal and natural response to something we anticipate. COVID-19 gives us plenty to anticipate, and worry about, in the future. As the virus spreads, we think about how long this will go on. Already, some of you know family and friends who have been touched by COVID-19. We wonder if they will recover. We wonder if the economy, if the world will recover. The virus has even given us a new phrase: the new normal. We struggle with the new normal we are living with now, with its isolation and disconnection. We wonder about the new normal of the future, once this has passed; what will it look like and feel like?
Fear and Anxiety As Allies
Yes, fear and anxiety can be allies to motivate us to take care of ourselves and one another in a threatening time. But these allies can turn against you, and they can turn us against one another. The fear and anxiety move from motivating us to stopping us from doing the meaningful and important things we can do. If we spend most of our energy on fighting the thoughts and feelings of anxiety and fear, we no longer act from a place of what we value.
In my work as a counselor, I see the many unhelpful ways that people respond to fear and anxiety. Most of these involve trying to control their presence in our lives. We do that lots of different ways. We may try to fight it off, avoid it, or keep it at bay. We may try to figure out exactly what we need to do, what actions we need to take to defeat the anxiety or fear. When those don’t work, we move into autopilot, just going through the motions of life, trying not to think about what’s happening and what we are feeling. It’s not that any of these responses are good or bad, right or wrong. They just don’t work, not for any length of time.
Fear and anxiety can create panic that empties the shelves of food and toilet paper. They can make us angry and look for someone to blame for not handling this situation well. They can send us into autopilot, where try to live a normal life, even if it means ignoring the restrictions that might help make this pass more quickly. It is easy to label these behaviors as mean and selfish. They may be, but I think they may come from efforts to control our anxiety and fear.
Emotional Flexibility
But if we are able to accept and be mindful of our anxiety and fear without being controlled by them, this gives us enough flexibility to choose actions that are an expression of what we value and what gives meaning. Instead of panic and blaming and ignoring, we are able to check on friends and family who may be at risk. We donate food to those who are less fortunate. We show our support for healthcare workers who are working tirelessly to care for those who are sick or working to find a cure. We feel our mindset changing from “How can I take care of me?” to “We are in this together. What small actions can I take for all of us?”
At some point, soon hopefully, this crisis will pass. When each of us looks back at how we were and what we did, what will be our legacy. What would you want others to say about how you were and what you did? It could be, “Well, they managed to get through and survive the crisis.” It could be, “They did not let the circumstances control them. They acted in a way that showed that they valued the life of all around them.”
The answer will depend on how we choose to respond to the fear and anxiety around us and within us.
If you would like to talk to someone about what you are experiencing in these difficult times, I am offering online therapy sessions. Click here for more information about online therapy.