For many, your experience of stress is episodic.
You go through the routine of life. Something happens out of the ordinary that presents a challenge or a struggle. In the presence of this stressor, you feel some stress. You want to return to the routine of daily living, so you choose some ways to deal with the stress. Hopefully, the choices you make alleviate the stress and allow you to move on with your life.
I would summarize all the difference choices you make to stress into two categories. You can react to stress. You can respond to stress. The words sound the same, but there are subtle differences that can help you in dealing with stress. A reaction seems to be driven by external forces. Something happens outside of your body, and your body react. A simple example. When I am having my annual physical and the doctor taps a certain spot on my knee, I don’t stop and think: Hmm, of all the responses I can make to what my doctor did, I think this time I will shake my leg. No, it is a reflex. Something happens out there, and my body reacts.
When you react to stress, it feels like you are being controlled by the situation out there that caused the stress. It feels like you are being controlled by the way your mind and body react to that situation. You may try to change or escape from that external situation. You may tell yourself to calm down; it’s not that bad; this will go away. But sometimes the stressor really is bad. Sometimes you cannot make the stressor go away. And the reactions continue. Sometimes, you may be successful with telling yourself to calm down. You manage to continue on with your life, even if the stressor has not gone away. But your body and mind know, so instead of calming down, you may be stuck in stress reactivity.
The healthy alternative to reacting to stress is responding to it.
When you respond to stress, it feels like the choices are coming from inside of you, not from the external situation. But in order to respond to stress instead of reacting to it, you need to be aware of what is actually happening as it is happening. This is where the practice of mindfulness is helpful. Mindfulness is described simply as a moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness. You see the stressor, and you are aware of how your body is responding. You are aware of the thoughts and feelings that might be racing through you. And you simply let them be there. You don’t get caught up in them until they lead you to react. You don’t try to avoid them or push them away. You don’t even evaluate them as good or bad. You feel the feelings and observe the thoughts.
You may be wondering how this mindfulness can be helpful. Consider that reacting to stress happens automatically. Your body goes into reactive mode even before you are aware of it. It’s not like you say to yourself, “Ok, I think I’ll go into the fight or flight mode now.” It just happens. And the reaction continues with all of these thoughts about what is happening. With mindfulness, you intentionally bring your awareness to what is happening in this stressful situation. That may not sound like much, but just by being aware of the reaction and not getting caught up in it, you have already changed the situation in a real way. You are making space for possible ways that you might respond by becoming aware of the stressful situation and the impulses in you to react.
Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) will teach you a variety of mindfulness practices that allow you to develop a different relationship with stress. You can learn how to respond to your stress instead of reacting to it. Check out my Stress Reduction Specialty Page to learn more.