Because it is a natural and powerful emotion that is often misunderstood, it is helpful to have some ways to develop a different relationship with your anger.
In his book, The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman says that both partners are emotionally available at the same time only about 9% of the time. This leaves a lot of opportunities for misunderstanding and conflict.
There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence, but perfectionism makes you a slave to success. No matter how well a situation turns out, it is hard to embrace and enjoy the outcome because your mind finds some way that it is not perfect.
Perfectionism is not really about doing something perfectly. It is about the feelings of self-worth you are striving for with a flawless performance. And yet, the standard of perfection that you carry around inside you keeps you from feeling any sense of accomplishment.
In his book, When the Body Says No, Dr. Gabor Mate identifies three components of the experience of stress. Understanding these components can help you respond in a more meaningful way to the presence of stress in your life.
One of the questions I always ask is how long have these issues been present in your relationship? It is not unusual to hear the couple respond in terms of months and years.
