Anxiety and stress are part of life, but in order to keep them from controlling our lives we must develop a new relationship with them. This new relationship happens by being aware of the stress and anxiety when it is actually happening, seeing what it looks and feels like and choosing a different response. Mindfulness is what helps us do that. Mindfulness is the awareness that arises by paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and in an accepting, non-judgmental way. Each part of that definition is important.
Awareness
Awareness is much more than simply thinking or reflecting on something. It is a particular kind of thinking and reflecting.
Paying attention on purpose
Awareness requires only that we pay attention and see things as they are. It doesn’t require that we change anything. We pay attention, on purpose, and we become aware of all that is happening around us and within us. We pay attention on purpose; we don’t pay attention for a purpose. Almost everything we do is for a purpose: to get something, to accomplish a task, or to get somewhere. Paying attention on purpose involves cultivating the attitude of non-striving. For example, if you sit down to practice mindfulness and begin by thinking, “I am going to control my stress,” well, you’ve introduced an idea into your mind of where you should be, and along with it comes the notion that you are not okay right now.
In the present moment.
Which bring us to being in the present moment. Mindfulness involves paying attention on purpose to what is happening in the present moment. So if in the present moment you are tense, then just pay attention to the tension. If you are in pain, then be with the pain as best you can.
In an accepting, non-judgmental way
Acceptance means seeing things as they actually are in the present. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to like everything, or that you have to take a passive attitude toward everything. It does not mean that you are satisfied with things as they are or that you are resigned to tolerating things as they have to be. It doesn’t mean that you stop trying to break free of bad habits or giving up a desire to change. Acceptance means simply, sooner or later, you have come around to a willingness to see things as they are. This acceptance sets the stage for acting differently. You are much more likely to know what to do and have the inner conviction to act when you have a clearer picture of what is actually happening versus when your vision is clouded by your mind’s self-serving judgments, desires, or fears.
Which brings us to non-judgmental. Our minds are problem-solving machines that are always working on solutions to problems. Part of that is evaluating and judging any situation, thought, and attitude. Being non-judgmental is not imposing ideas about what we “should” be feeling or thinking or seeing in our experience. Instead we remind ourselves to be receptive and open to whatever we are feeling, thinking, or seeing, and to accept it because it is here right now.
In my approach to anxiety treatment, you will learn a variety of mindfulness practices that will allow you to develop a different relationship with your anxiety and stress, so that you have the freedom to choose actions that are more in line with what you value.
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