There are usually two components to your anxiety: thoughts and feelings. In this blog we will look at what to do with anxious thoughts. We will consider anxious feelings in a later blog.
Caught Up In the Stories
Have you ever been so caught up in a book or a movie that you lost all track of time? You were so absorbed in the story that was unfolding on the pages or the screen that you weren’t even aware of your surroundings; someone calls your name and you don’t even hear them. We carry around a master storyteller within us that wants us to get wrapped up in its narratives. This storyteller is our mind. Our minds are telling us stories all through the day. Another word for these stories is “thoughts.”
Now some of these stories are true; we call them facts. But most of these stories are really opinions, assumptions, ideas, attitudes, expectations, wishes, and the like. The mind can weave together some amazing narratives that create a picture of who you are in different areas, what your relationships are like, and what is happening in the world around you. These narratives can be filled with images and events that have the theme of anxiety. So far, so good. When you become absorbed and believe the stories to be true and use them to shape your actions, your anxiety takes control.
Some examples. You partner is unhappy with something you do. You begin to believe that your partner is unhappy with you. And that becomes your partner is thinking about leaving you. And soon you mind creates a narrative that supports these ideas. And this story can dictate how you look at and respond to your partner. And your anxiety about the relationship goes up. The mind can do this with any area of our life: work, friends, situations in the world around us.
Trying To Control Anxiety
The main response we make to our anxious thoughts is control. We try to control them. We do this in a variety of ways. We may try to avoid the thoughts; we push them away or we try to change our anxious thoughts to more pleasant ones. It is also easy to get caught up in and believe these thoughts. You try to figure out where the thoughts come from and how they impact you; if you know their exact origin and how they are influencing you, then you can make them go away. All of these strategies for dealing with anxious thoughts may work for a while, but at some point, you realize that all you are doing is managing your anxiety as best you can. You aren’t living a life that is meaningful and an expression of what you value.
Take a moment and clench your fist. Clinch it tightly and hold it. You can feel the strain of the muscles in your hand, and that strain begins to travel up your arm. Now, gradually release your fist. As you do feel the relaxation in all the muscles that once were tense. When you hold on to your thoughts too tightly, like the fist, you become inflexible. You can’t really do the things that you want—drive a car, stroke your dog, touch your partner’s face. You have to learn to be flexible with your thoughts and the stories you mind creates. You have to learn to let your thoughts come and go without getting caught up in them and controlled by them.
An Exercise
Here is a simple exercise from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that lets you experience this.
Find a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Imagine sitting by a gently flowing stream. There are leaves floating on the surface of the water.
As you are sitting there, when a thought comes to you, imagine placing that thought on a leaf and letting it float by.
From time to time you will hold on to a thought like that clenched fist, and you will lose track of what you are doing. Don’t get upset; it is normal and natural. Just return your attention again to the stream and the leaves and start the exercise again.
Try this for five minutes. What did you experience? You probably had lots of thoughts. And that’s okay. The goal is not to eliminate the thoughts and the stories of the mind. The goal is to recognize them and let them go. Do this practice throughout the day; then you will have some practice when you want to do it in a time of stress or anxiety.
It is a good way to loosen the grip the thoughts and stories of your mind, especially those that create anxiety.
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