In Oklahoma, the state where I live, we have some amazing sunsets. Over the last few weeks, several of my Facebook friends have posted some pictures of glorious sunsets (not so many sunrises…I wonder what that is about). It could be that the sunsets have been particularly brilliant; I like to think it is because the corona virus is keeping people at home and they are taking advantage of these amazing gifts nature is offering them.
Sunsets invite reflection.
When I was attending graduate school in the San Francisco area, a group of us would go regularly to Stinson Beach in Marin County. There was the laughing, frolicking, and throwing the frisbee, but the evenings always ended with a fire at sunset. No talking, just huddled together around the fire, watching in silence as the sun sank into the ocean.
Of course, there are other ways that we can respond to sunsets, especially when our minds get involved. You see, the thinking part of our mind is always studying, figuring out, evaluating, judging, and deciding. And so the experience of the sunset goes like this. That is a beautiful sunset. A few moments of silent reflection, until the mind begins its work. That is a beautiful sunset. It reminds me of the sunset I saw on vacation last year. That was a great vacation. It was good to be with my friends again. I really liked that rock-climbing adventure. And on and on it goes.
A lot is going on in your mind, but one thing is not happening: you are no longer experiencing the splendor of colors that make up the sunset. You are no longer sensing the array of feelings that accompany the experience of a sunset.
Why is this important? In another blog, I have spoken about the illusion of control (Do You Really Have Control?). I’ve talked about how our responses to the thoughts and feelings of anxiety usually involve efforts by our minds to figuring out what’s happening so it can come up with solutions. Or we try to avoid or change the thoughts and feelings. And when those don’t work, we can be harsh on ourselves for not getting over the anxiety.
So what can you do?
Do with your anxiety what you do with the sunset. Experience it. Be willing to be present with it, in the moment, without evaluating or judging, without avoiding or fighting. Just like letting the experience of the sunset touch you deeply, this willingness to be mindfully present to your thoughts and feelings can create enough emotional space to access the actions and responses that express what you value, what gives you meaning
I spend a lot of time in counseling helping people to understand the illusion and futility of control. Not just understand it but experience it (Drop the Rope). I don’t do this because I think it a good idea or an interesting intervention. I do it because the feelings and thoughts of anxiety are not bad; they don’t mean that something is wrong with you. Anxiety is a part of life. Not the most enjoyable part of life, but here’s the thing. When you aren’t trying to control your life, you are free to experience the wonder and beauty of life. All of life.
Adding Texture and Meaning
Experiences like anxiety and sunsets…they really can add texture, even meaning, to life. But that will happen only when you stop trying to control them and allow them to be there. Then, from a place of wonder and curiosity, you can find that place of value and meaning that can enrich and vitalize your life.
So go ahead. Look at and experience the sunsets. Look at and experience the troubling thoughts and feelings. Look at and experience one another. None of these are not good or bad. They are not right or wrong. They can become part of the rhythm of life.
For more information about anxiety treatment, click here.