There may be nothing more beautiful than a sunrise, except perhaps a sunset.
Sunsets begin with a first hint of light. Gradually, the light increases and gives you a display of color that grows until the sun climbs over the horizon. Sunrises tend to evoke awe and wonder. It is not just the colors; it is the promise of the end of darkness and the beginning of a new day. It is not unusual for an individual or a group to watch a sunrise in silence. Everyone is caught up in the experience.
And yet, there is a way that the mind can take us out of the wonder of the sunrise. It can go something like this: You are sitting there in silence letting the colors of the sunrise wash over you. Just being. Your mind gives you the thought…this is a beautiful sunrise. And so it begins. I really enjoy sunrises. What color is that? This reminds me of that sunrise at the beach a few years ago. That was a great trip. I need to make plans to go back there soon.
A lot is happening around you and inside you, but one thing that is not happening: you are no longer experiencing the sunrise and the hope and promise they offer. You are having thoughts about the sunrise. And there is nothing wrong with these thoughts. They may inspire you to plan another enjoyable trip to the beach or spend more time watching sunrises. But right now, you are no longer in the present moment enjoying the sunrise.
What your mind does with the sunrise is what it does with your depression. You feel the sadness and lack of motivation come over you. And so it begins. There is nothing pleasurable or enjoyable about these feelings, so you mind asks: Where are these feelings coming from? If you can figure out their origin, maybe you can get rid of them? Or perhaps your mind is in a more judgmental mood: Why can’t I snap out of this? For the most part, you have a good life. You should be feel grateful not sad and depressed.
This is what I call the illusion and futility of control.
When we have feelings like depression, it is easy to decide that something is wrong, that this is a problem and we need to solve it. And the thinking part of the self goes to work doing just that. Again, there is nothing wrong with this; it is just what the mind does. The problem is it doesn’t work. It may give you some short-term relief, but the depression always returns.
So what can you do? Well, do with your anxiety what you do with the sunrise. Be willing to be present with it without avoiding or fighting, without evaluating or judging. Don’t think of your depression as a problem with you that has to be solved. Think of it as an experience in your life that has something to teach you. Please know that I am not minimizing the pain and struggle you feel when the depression is there. I am offering you another way to look at and respond to the depression. You are most likely aware that seeing the depression as fault in you or a problem to solve hasn’t really worked.
Being Mindfully Present
If you can maintain the stance of being mindfully present to the thoughts and feelings of depression, you will begin to feel some space. It is an emotional space inside you that gives you the flexibility to choose a response to the depression that expresses what you value. Even unpleasant experiences like depression, like the darker colors of the sunrise, can add texture to your life. But the value and meaning these thoughts and feelings offer can only come when you allow them to be there.
If you would like to know more about this way of working with depression, please click here. I would welcome the chance to work with you.