Getting Caught Up
All of us have had the experience of getting caught up in good book or great movie. Or you have been engrossed in a deep conversation. Maybe you have been wrapped up in planning a vacation you are looking forward to or solving a problem a problem at work. There are those times you are in the flow during a tennis match or a game of golf. Or it could be that you are reveling in some moments daydreaming in the hammock. It’s not unusual to lose all track of time when you are so caught up in moments like these. These times are some of life’s greatest pleasures.
But what if instead of being caught up in a great book or movie, you are caught up in your feelings of worry and anxiety? Instead of engrossed in a deep conversation with good friends, you are having a conversation in your head about how to deal with all these feelings of worry. Instead of planning a vacation, you are planning your life around how you can avoid the next panic attack. Instead of being in the flow, your mind is all over the place because you are constantly fretful. Instead of daydreaming in the hammock, you can’t remember the last time you were able to just relax.
Fusion and Defusion
One way to describe these two different sets of scenarios is fusion. In each of them you are fused with the thoughts and feelings that are part of the situation. The first paragraph describes moments of fusion that are affirming and life-giving. The second paragraph describes moments of fusion that rob us of the joy and the meaning that life can offer. All because you have become fused with the thoughts and the feelings of anxiety.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a unique, more workable, response to the fusion that allows anxiety to control your life. It is so unique that it made up its own word for this response. Instead of fusion, you go for defusion. In fusion, you are so caught up with your thoughts about anxiety that they dominate your behavior. In defusion, you get some distance from your thoughts, letting them be there without getting caught up in them. With ACT, defusion is described in a variety of ways. It involves looking at your thoughts instead of looking through your thoughts. It is about noticing thoughts instead of getting caught up in them. It is about letting thoughts come and go instead of holding on to them.
Defusion is not about getting rid of your thoughts and feelings of anxiety. It is not a technique to control your feelings; it is a technique to accept them. Trying to get rid of the thoughts and feelings that contribute to your anxiety, or trying to avoid them or understand them, keeps you fused with them. It keeps the anxiety in control. But when you allow the anxiety to be there, to see the thoughts and feelings for what they really are, without struggling with them, it frees you to give your attention and energy to actions that matter, that give you meaning.
Just Notice
Sometimes I will invite clients to sit quietly for about one minute and just notice the thoughts in your mind. Don’t try to create thoughts; just notice what your mind comes up with. When time is up, I ask them to share the thoughts. They are often amazed at the variety of thoughts that happen in just one minute. Then I invite them to consider what would happen if their minds got caught up in any one of those thoughts. Even if it was a simple thought like “What am I going to have for dinner?”, as the mind becomes fused with that thought, all the other thoughts get lost. The only thing that matters is this thought.
Now imagine that the thought you get caught up in is about your worry or anxiety. No other thought matters. In fact, it becomes so powerful, that instead of saying, “I’m having the thought that I am anxious,” you say, “I am anxious.” It is no longer one of many thoughts; it idefines who you are.
I’ve already mentioned two simple defusion techniques you can practice. You can do these as an exercise several times a day, or you can do these when you feel the anxiety showing up. Simply take a minute or two to observe all the thoughts your mind creates without evaluating, judging, or getting caught up in them. Instead of saying “I’ll never get over this anxiety,” you can say, “I’m having the thought that I’ll never get over this anxiety.” Both of these simple exercises can give you enough emotional space to defuse from your thoughts and choose actions more in line with what you value.
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