Describing Your Depression
Several years ago, I was working with a client who was struggling with depression. During our first session, I asked him to describe what it was like when the depression was there. He described not having any energy and not being able to get out of bed. He mentioned feel sad and despairing. He talked about not wanting to see anyone; instead, he would sit in his house alone. His posture changed as he described the depression, shoulders slouching and head lowering. His voice got lower.
He was not that way when we began the session. It was almost like the depression was showing up, and he was allowing it to take over as he talked. After he described the depression, I asked him how often he felt like he just described. He gave a deep sigh and said, “Probably, 30 percent of the time.” I imagined what it would be like to live 30 percent of your life under the control of depression and expressed my care and concern. But then I made this observation, “So 70 percent of the time it is not like this?” I framed it as a question so he would know I was being curious, not judging. There was a change in his demeanor. He leaned back some in his chair. And he had a perplexed, questioning look on his face.
Narrowing Your Attention
This exchange with my client illustrates one of the things we are learning about depression. Negative emotions like depression can narrow our attention. When you are depressed, what you pay attention to is narrowed to the point where what you are aware of around you is determined largely by your mood. Like my client, you will remember many more negative thoughts and events. You will string these thoughts and events together into a story that narrows your awareness even more until you reach a point where, like my client, the 30 percent moments of depression are dictating how you see all of your life.
When you are depressed, with this narrowing of attention, it is harder to be aware of all that is going on inside of you…the other 70 percent. So, when something like depression shows up it is hard to stay detached from it. Instead of being curious about the thoughts and feelings of depression, you become overidentified with them. So instead of feeling the sadness or noticing the negative thought in a nonreactive, nonjudgmental way, you lose control of your attention and get caught up in those feelings and thoughts until they control how you see and experience life.
The conversation with my client illustrates this. I commented on the perplexed look on his face and the change in his posture; he smiled and said he had never thought about how much the depression controlled his thoughts or feelings. I asked him about the 70 percent. What was going on in those days when the depression was not in control? It was hard for him to answer; all he could say was that he lucked out and somehow had a good day. As we talked, he was able to see that the 30 percent days of depression had become the norm for his life; the 70 percent days of no depression were just luck.
If the narrowing of attention is one of the behaviors that contributes to depression, the goal of counseling is to find a way to restore your ability to focus your attention and to maintain that focus. This is one of the reasons that mindfulness training is an important part of depression treatment. Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of what is happening in the present moment from an accepting and nonjudgmental stance. Mindfulness does not get into percentages; what percentage of life is good and what percentage of life is bad. If you are willing to let unpleasant thoughts and feelings be there—without avoiding, evaluating, or fighting them—you will experience enough emotional flexibility to choose actions that give you meaning and vitality.
At first my client wanted to change the percentages; let’s give the 70 percent control over his life. As we worked together, he realized that his life is filled with lots of different moments. Some of them were pleasant and joyful; some were difficult and painful. He learned that he could decide how he wanted to be in the middle of any of these moments, if he was willing to accept them and be curious about them.
For more information about therapy for depression, click here.