In a previous blog I, shared four myths about anxiety, as described in The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety by John P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert:
· Myth 1: Anxiety Problems are Biological and Hereditary
· Myth 2: Intense Anxiety is Abnormal
· Myth 3: Anxiety is a Sign of Weakness
· Myth 4: To Live a Vital Life, You Must Manage Your Anxiety
Then, I began to look at some of the factors that fuel these myths and keep them alive. The first factor was fusing with your thoughts, buying into and believing the thoughts that are created by the anxiety. In this post, I want to consider the second factor: Evaluating Your Experiences.
Just about everything that we do as human beings comes with some kind of evaluation and judgment.
This is especially true with things in the outside world. You can talk about a good book or a bad movie. This evaluating and judging is not a bad thing. It is how our thinking mind makes sense of the world and expresses your preferences. It is how the thinking mind keeps you safe and your life heading in the right direction. If your mind tells you that something is bad for you, you can avoid it; if it tells you it is good for you, you can embrace.
But what works so well in the outside world does not work well with our internal thoughts and feelings. This is how anxiety becomes a bad thing, instead of something that is just happening to you. There are a lot of people who will tell you that the psychological and emotional pain of anxiety is “bad” pain. And if it is “bad” pain, then you must control it by avoiding it or figuring out where it comes from and what you need to do with it. If you aren’t successful in those efforts, you can decide that there is something wrong with you. I am experiencing this anxiety because I am weak, worthless, or foolish.
I am not saying that all this evaluating and judging of the thinking mind is bad; it is just what the thinking mind does. But I am saying that when you apply this process to all your internal experiences, like the thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations of anxiety, it moves you away from the life of meaning you want to live.
So if you can’t control all the evaluations and judgments of the thinking mind, what do you do with them?
You have the option of choosing to feed them or not. A story from the Native American tradition illustrates this option. A grandson was talking to his grandfather about the strong emotions he was feeling. “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is vengeful, angry, and violent. The other wolf is loving and compassionate.” The grandson asks, “Which wolf will win the fight in my heart?” The grandfather answered, “The one you feed.”
Bring to mind a time when your anxiety shows up. Maybe it was the beginning of a panic attack. Or it could be a feeling of nervousness or unease. Perhaps it was a bodily sensation like a headache or tightness in your stomach. Can you remember the first thought your mind gave you about the anxiety? It might have been as simple as “Uh-oh” or “Oh no.” Already, your mind is telling you that is something that is not good. And from that initial thought it is easy to have a cascade of thoughts that make the anxiety even more threatening. Perhaps it became so threatening that changed your behavior in some way, not going to a meeting or avoiding a situation.
Again, the goal is not to get rid of these “Uh-oh” or “Oh no” moments. They happen quickly, automatically. The goal is to recognize these moments and refuse to label them as bad; they are simply what is happening to you right now. If you can do this in a consistent way, you will get enough emotional space to decide how you want to act, even in the presence of the anxiety.
You can learn more about how counseling can help you with your anxiety by visiting my anxiety treatment page.