I am going to share a word with you, and then, I want you to just pause for a few minutes of silence and let’s see what happens: DOG.
Really…stay with it for a few minutes.
So what happened? My guess is you didn’t just sit there with a blank mind until the few minutes were up. DOG. The first thing that happened was your mind gave you the image of a dog. But not just any dog. Most likely, it was the dog you have now as a pet, or a dog that was your pet years ago. If your family did not have pets, you thought of a dog you encountered at some point in your life.
You probably did not just picture the dog sitting there in front of you for two minutes. Most likely, they were running around. They were barking. They were retrieving a ball you threw to them. They were sitting beside you on the couch while you petted them. If you did not have a dog, you might have imagined an encounter with a dog where they were growling or threatening you.
But your mind didn’t stop there; it probably gave you some words as well. She was a really good dog. He was so fun to have around. I really miss her. I remember that time she got out and was lost for two days. It was such a relief when we finally found her. I wonder if that dog is about to attack me.
Along with the images and thoughts, there were probably some feelings as well. You may have actually smiled and felt some joy as you pictured her romping in the yard. You felt a warmth inside as you pictured him sitting beside you. There may have been sadness as your thought about this companion who is no longer with you. Or fear as you picture this menacing animal before you.
All of these images and thoughts and feelings…where did they come from? Well, they came from a word. DOG.
Now imagine doing this exercise again, but this time instead of the word “DOG” I say the word “TRAUMA.”
What happens? Like before, there is a good chance that images come to mind. Images of a particular moment of trauma that you experienced or several moments that were traumatic.
And then, there were the thoughts. Why did that person do that to me? I’ll never get over what happened. I will do everything I can to keep anything like that from happening to me again.
Finally, there are the feelings. It may be intense fear or dread. You may feel your heart racing or tightness in your body. And like before, all of these images, thoughts, and feelings are happening in response to a word. TRAUMA.
As humans, we rely a lot on words. They are very powerful in their ability to create sensations, thoughts, and feelings. Let’s focus for a moment on our thoughts. Russ Harris, in his book, The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living, says thoughts “tell us about our life and how to live it. They tell us how we are and how we should be, what to do and what to avoid. And yet, they are often nothing more than words” (38). Russ suggests that instead of calling them thoughts, we call them stories.
This is an important distinction because most of the stories we tell about ourselves are not really true or false. They are “either stories about how we see life (called ‘opinions,’ ‘attitudes,’ ‘judgements,’ ‘ideals,’ ‘beliefs,’ ‘theories,’ ‘morals,’ etc.) or about what we want to do with it (called ‘plans,’ ‘strategies,’ ‘goals,’ ‘wishes,’ ‘values,’ etc.)” (38).
When you are struggling with trauma, your mind can feel like your enemy.
Memories of the trauma can show up without warning. Thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations are so powerful that they tell you this is who you are and how you will always be. One way to describe this experience is to say you are fused with your thoughts. Fusion means blended together. Think of two metals that are fused; they are stuck together, and you can’t pull them apart.
Fusion means that “a thought and the thing it refers to—the story and the event’—become stuck together, as one” (39). Like the exercise you did earlier, you react to the word “trauma” as if the trauma is really present. All of the thoughts and feelings you have come from something that is not really present.
I am not trying to dismiss or minimize the presence of the trauma in your life. Instead, I want to give you a different perspective, a different relationship with the trauma. One of the goals of trauma treatment is to “defuse” from all the thoughts, feelings, and images of the trauma…to look at them instead of through them. You will learn a variety of “defusion” techniques that don’t eliminate the trauma, but give you a relationship with trauma that allows you enough flexibility to choose actions that are expressions of your values.
If you want to learn more about how I can help you with your own experience of trauma, visit my trauma treatment specialty page.