It pops up every seven days on my phone.
A message that tells me the daily average amount of time I have been on the phone over the last week, and the percentage of how much that is up or down from the week before. But the fun doesn’t have to stop there. I can go to my settings and see my total screen time for the day or the week. I can see how many times I have picked up my phone and the first app I used right after the pickup. I see how many notifications I have received and which apps I have visited.
I deeply appreciate my cell phone. First, I am amazed at its capability. Perhaps you have heard that a typical cell phone has over a million times more RAM memory and 100,000 times more processing power than the computer on board Apollo 11, the spaceflight that landed two men on the moon. By the way, this is not information I carry around in my head; I found it in a quick search, wait for it, on my phone.
I have appreciation for the way my phone enhances my life. If I am at home and there is some information I am trying to recall that is found in a book in my office, I don’t have to get in my car and go back to the office. In a matter of seconds, I can find it on my phone. If I remember a song that I haven’t heard in a while, I don’t have to go home, find the record or CD and play it. In a matter of seconds, it can be playing on my phone, taking me back to a special memory in my life.
Your phone can also be a source of stress.
Many years ago, Francis Bacon said that “Money is a great servant but a bad master.” You could replace the word “money” with “smart phone” (or social media or internet), and the statement would still be true. As a piece of technology, your phone is a tool that can help you accomplish some amazing things, but it cannot tell you what you should accomplish or help you evaluate what’s most important to accomplish.
And yet, it is easy for the tool, for the phone to take over. It can capture your attention and take up your time. It can become a way to fill up the empty spaces in your daily life. Soon enough, the servant becomes the master, and there aren’t that many empty spaces…because you can always fill them by doing something on the phone. Notice what has happened. The phone went from an amazing piece of technology that makes your life more efficient to being a device on which you do something to fill empty spaces.
But who decided those were empty spaces? And who decided that they needed to be filled? In many ways, it feels like the phone decided they were empty, and the phone gave you a way to fill them. Good servant…bad master.
This is an invitation to change the relationship with your phone. Perhaps it sounds strange to talk about a relationship with a piece of technology, but relationships are not just with people. You are constantly deciding what kind of relationships you will have with things around you, with your thoughts, with your feelings, or with your memories. You can add your phone to the list.
Now you may think I am inviting you to monitor and control how much time you spend on the phone. Instead of monitoring or controlling, I am inviting you to become more mindful and aware of the place of the phone in your life. From that place of awareness, you can shape a relationship with your phone that is an expression of what gives your life meaning.
Maybe the place to begin is just by picking up your phone and looking at it.
Feel its shape and form in your hand. Imagine the technology inside that makes it work. Now look at all the apps on the screen. Don’t open any of them, just look. What do you appreciate about each of them? What about the ones that are there but you never use? Now scroll through slowly and look at all the apps. What does this collection of icons say about who you are and what is important in your life?
Next, go into your settings and find the information about your phone activity. See how much time you spend on your phone each day and each week. See how many times you pick up your phone. Look at the apps you use most often. As you look at all this information, be aware of what you are thinking or feeling? Are you surprised by how much time you spend on your phone or how many times you pick it up? Do you think it is too much, too little, or just about right? As best you can, imagine that this is not your phone; it is the phone of a random stranger. As you look over how this person uses their phone and they ways they use their phone, can you create a narrative about who they might be and what they value?
How can you change your relationship with your phone when you are using it?
Your phone can become a part of living on autopilot, simply going through the activities of the day without any deep awareness or appreciation. Because you use it so much, it can also be a way to break the spell of automatic living. For example, it is time to make a call. You can pick up the phone and tap the name the way you have done a thousand times before. Or you take just a few moments to look at the name. Picture that person’s face. Think about their place in your life. Think about why you are calling them and how you want to be with them. You can go through the same process when the phone rings. Consider, for just a few moments, the person whose name and face are showing up right now to enter your life.
You will notice that I have not given you any suggestions about how to make the phone your servant instead of your master. In fact, for the most part, I have invited you to reflect on some questions as you give your mindful attention to this amazing device. This is how stress reduction happens in any area of your life. Trying to exert control over the source of your stress can actually create more stress. But if you can become mindful of what is happening in any area of life, or any device in your hand, you can develop a different relationship with it, a relationship that expresses more of who you want to be.
You can learn more about how to handle stress in different areas of your life on my stress reduction specialty page.