If you have read any of my blogs, you know that I enjoy etymology. It is interesting to compare the original meaning of a word with how it is used today. Sometimes, looking at the original meaning can open up your understanding of a word. The word for today is “cope.” Cope comes from an Old French word that means “to quarrel, to hit or punch, to deliver blows, to engage in combat.”
What Does It Mean To Cope
These original meanings may resonate as you think about coping with the world in which you live. Developing coping skills for the world in which you live…as you read the words, pause for a moment you and be aware of the picture forming inside of you. There is much that is happening in the world that calls for coping. Perhaps there was a sense of challenge as people came together to live differently in a pandemic world, but as the weeks have turned into months and it feels like nothing has changed, your enthusiasm for this challenge has subsided. You wonder if/when this pandemic world will be different.
While there is some hope that COVID will finally be conquered, there are other parts of the world that you have to cope with that will remain. There are the harsh divisions that exists across the spectrums of politics, culture, race, religion. These divisions feel like more than minor differences; it is like there are people who are living in and experiencing a completely different world than your own. And while there is a vaccine that will eventually bring COVID under control, there does not seem to be any end or any solution to the polarization.
And so, you are left to figure out how to cope. Those words have a sense of resignation to them that reflects a change in meaning. “I guess all we can do is cope with these things.” It carries a sense of dealing with, holding up as best you can, enduring, putting up with. None of that sounds very inviting.
For example, I often ask clients to imagine that, after our work together, we run into each other 2-3 years later. When I ask them how they are doing, do they really want their answer to be: Well, for the most part I’ve managed to put up with my anxiety or endure my depression?
My approach to counseling is called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
One of the core beliefs of ACT is to learn how to accept what is out of your personal control and commit to taking actions that improve your life. ACT does this in two ways. One, through mindfulness and acceptance practices, you learn how to deal with painful thought and feelings in a way that they have much less impact on you. Two, you clarify what is truly important and meaningful for you, and you use that knowledge to guide and inspire you as you make changes that are more aligned with your values.
ACT has been proven to be effective with a wide range of psychological issues: anxiety, depression, substance abuse, stress, and trauma. I believe ACT can also be helpful in coping with some of the challenges we face our world.
For example, go back to the images that formed in your mind as you hear the words “developing coping skills for the world in which you live.” Slow down your thinking and feeling. See what happens. See what comes up. Along with thoughts, there may be emotions, physical sensations, or memories. You may feel frustration that the pandemic continues. You may feel tension in a certain part of your body. You may wonder why that person would be that way or think like that.
As all of these thoughts and feelings and images come up, would you be willing to simply let them be there. Instead of pushing them away or getting caught up in them, would you be willing to accept them, even welcome them into your life? This is called acceptance, the willingness to allow whatever is present to be there, just as it is.
Now you may be asking: Why would I want to do that?
Because you are now fully in the present moment, not caught up in the past or the future. Remember the definition of ACT; you are now learning how to deal with painful thoughts and feelings in a way that they have much less impact on you. You may be asking: How can that be helpful? Remember the definition of ACT; you can use the knowledge of what you are thinking and feeling to guide you and inspire you as you make changes more aligned with your values. If you can maintain this stance of acceptance and mindfulness, you will begin to feel some emotional space and psychological flexibility that will allow you to see some ways to think and to act that will add meaning and vitality to life.
In future posts, I will be sharing more about how you can, in specific ways, use some ACT practices to develop a different relationship with the many challenges of the world in which you live. For now, I invite you to visit my anxiety treatment page or my home page to learn more about my practice.