Anxiety can get you to spend a lot of time in the past and in the future.
There are settings and places where you have experienced some anxiety. You are about to be in one of those settings and places in the near future. You begin to worry if the anxiety will be just as bad this time as it was the last time. You remember all the different things you said and did that made your anxiety worse.
But this is a setting or place where you have to be present…or you want to be present. So in response to the memories of the past, you head into the future. You imagine all the possible scenarios that can create different levels of anxiety. You start figuring out all kinds of strategies to prepare yourself for all these scenarios. And then you begin to worry that you haven’t imagined all the possible scenarios that might arise, so you try even harder. Maybe, at some point, you decide that it is just too much, and you make the decision not to go.
Notice how all of this began. It began in the present moment, when you start thinking about entering a situation. It is a place that you want to be, or because of what you value, a place that you really need to be. And then the thoughts and feelings about the anxiety and the worry show up. Thoughts and feelings that carry you into the past or into the future.
It may seem like the normal response to all of these thoughts and feelings is to control them.
You may try to control them by avoiding them or pushing them away. You may try to analyze and figure out where they are coming from and why they are showing up now. The reason this controlling response seems normal is because your mind is telling you that you will never get past the anxiety until you make it go away.
But when you follow your mind into the past or into the future, you are no longer really present to what’s happening in your life right now. Of course, you may be saying, “Well, if what is happening right now is this debilitating worry and anxiety, then, yes, I’d rather not be present to that.” And yet, what we are learning is that if we can be mindfully accepting of the anxiety that is happening right now, we get enough psychological flexibility to respond in a way that expresses our values and meaning.
In my work with people who struggle with anxiety, I teach them a variety of mindfulness practices that allow them to experience the present moment and get this flexibility. One exercise that works when you find yourself getting caught up in thought and feelings, is to “drop the anchor.”
Instead of fighting the anxiety, even while it is there, stand up and plant your feet onto the floor. You can also do this sitting down. Push them down—notice the floor beneath you, supporting you. Now, notice the muscle tension in your legs as you push your feet down. Then, notice your entire body—and the feeling of gravity flowing down through your head, spine, and legs into your feet. Finally, look around and notice what you can see and hear around you. Notice where you are and what you are doing.
As you are doing this drop the anchor practice, you may notice that your mind goes back to the anxious thoughts, or you feel the anxiety in your body. When that happens, just notice it, without fighting it or getting caught up in it, and return to wherever you were in the practice.
When I teach my clients these practices, I often will say that they are simple, but they are not always easy.
There is a simplicity to just being present to whatever is happening right now, even if it is something that doesn’t feel good. But because you spend so much time in the future or the past, it is not easy.
If you would like to know more about how I work with people who struggle with anxiety and worry, visit my anxiety treatment specialty page.