Most people see worry and anxiety as the same thing, but there are some subtle differences. Knowing these differences is helpful. The way you respond to worry can be very different from the way you respond to anxiety. So, let’s look at some of the differences between worry and anxiety.
1. You tend to experience anxiety in your body; you experience worry in your thoughts.
When anxiety shows up, you may feel tension in your body. There may be a tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach. Your breath may become shallow and rapid. Your hands may feel cold and clammy.
When worry shows up, you tend to ruminate on your thoughts. For example, your child is late getting home from an outing. Your mind goes to work: Where could she be? Has something happened to her? Should I get in the car and go look for him? What if they have been in an accident or have been mugged?
You can get a sense of this thinking aspect of worry by looking at the etymology of the word. One of the root meanings for “worry” is to tear at, to gnaw, to drag around with your teeth. You might picture a dog with a bone. In fact, that is one of the uses of the word: I found my dog contentedly worrying a bone.
With worry, the thoughts don’t just pop up in your head and go away. You “gnaw” on them. You go over and over them. One thought triggers another until you have this cascade of thoughts making your worry increase.
So how can you respond to the thinking nature of worry?
One way to stop your thoughts from constantly racing around your head is to take some time to sit down and work out exactly what is concerning you. Write or type out the thoughts and questions that are feeding your worry. When you stay inside your head, the thoughts can swirl around. When you put them on paper, it slows your mind down.
Then, you can look at them. Read them slowly. Feel the difference between the thoughts in your mind and your thoughts on paper. Organize the thoughts. Just organize and notice. Don’t try to problem solve. Don’t get down on yourself for what you have written down.
2. Worry tends to be specific while anxiety is more diffuse.
Look at the questions your mind gives you when your child is late. They are very specific. They usually involve creating catastrophic scenarios about what might have happened. With anxiety, the thoughts move from very specific to more diffuse. Instead of worrying about what happened, you have thoughts like “I shouldn’t have let her go out tonight…I am such a horrible parent.”
One thing that doesn’t work with worry or anxiety is trying to avoid the thoughts. It doesn’t help to try and convince yourself that nothing bad will happen. It doesn’t help to distract yourself from the thoughts. These strategies may work for a few minutes or hours, but often, the worrisome thoughts return and are even more powerful. See if you can be mindful, even accepting, of these thoughts.
3. Worry is normal and natural; anxiety, not so much
Part of human nature is to pay attention to signs of threat and warning. We are designed to be on the alert for trouble. This tendency helped our prehistoric forebearers to survive.
But when the worrying gets out of control, it is no longer a survival mechanism, it becomes destructive. We fret all the time, over relationships, money, job, health, kids.
In fact, studies show that when you worry, it can make you feel less anxious—at least while you are in the midst of it. Why? Because worrying gives you the illusion of control. You think that by imagining all the worst things that could happen, you can have solutions in place beforehand. And yet, you can never think of all the possibilities, so the worrying never ends.
You can use this normal and natural quality of worry to your advantage. You can slow down the cascade of thoughts by focusing on actions you can take. For example, if you are worried about losing contact with family or friends, sit down and write them a note. Give them a call and make plans to meet for coffee.
Finally, because worrying is normal and natural, don’t be too hard on yourself by discounting your emotions. Don’t tell yourself you are silly to feel that way. You worry because something matters. Practice self-compassion. Respond to yourself the way you would respond to a friend who is caught up with worry.
You can go to my anxiety treatment page to learn more about how I work with people who struggle with anxiety and worry.