Stories are the way we make meaning.
Who am I and how will I be in the world? The answers to those questions come in the form of stories. Let’s imagine we are at a party. When you ask me who I am, I don’t respond by saying, “I am a 66-year-old white male, 5’11’’, with a thin frame, and salt and pepper colored hair.” I would probably share something like this, “My name is Gary. I have lived in this area for 17 years; originally, I am from Mississippi. I enjoy working out and playing golf.” In other words, I tell you a rudimentary story…and you would do the same.
Stories are the way we make sense of the world around us. But these stories not comprehensive. Pick up any Western civilization textbook. It does not contain every moment of every person who has ever lived on this earth. It tells the unfolding narrative of those events and those men and women whom we have decided shape the direction of Western civilization. Which means lots of stories get left out, especially those that don’t seem important because they don’t support the main narrative.
Stories are also the ways we make sense of the world within us. The meaning you have and the way you feel about and live in the world are shaped by the stories you tell and embrace. We pull together a collection of events and people and places. We weave them into a narrative that says “This is who I really am.” And yet, like the history books, these stories are not comprehensive; in fact, they leave out lots of information that could change the way we see ourselves.
Problem-Saturated Stories
In his work on Narrative Therapy, Michael White talks about how you can live out problem-saturated stories. If you are struggling with depression, for example, the depression can weave together a story that dominates your thinking and dictates your actions. Now, the depression does not make things up; instead, it takes the events of your life and interprets them in a way that allows the depression to stay in control. Any episode that does not support the depression is reinterpreted or omitted.
It is easy to think that this story is made up of facts. While many of the events are true, a lot of the story is really ideas, opinions, beliefs, assumptions, evaluations, attitudes, etc. Take the simple statement, “I am depressed.” Sounds like a fact, right? But not so much. “I am depressed” sounds like a quality and characteristic of your life. Everywhere you go and everything you do is as a depressed person. And yet, there are moments when you are not depressed. There are moments that are lighter than others. There are things you are able to do at work and with your family that don’t fit “I am depressed.”
The Depression Is Here
As you think about this idea of story, it might be more accurate to say, “It look like the depression is here. Yep, it has shown up again. And this is how it wants me to think about myself. This is how it wants me to feel. This is how it wants me to act.” In other words, you step back and see and hear the story that the depression is telling you. This stepping back gives you just enough flexibility to choose a story that is more empowering.
Michael White calls this “externalizing the problem.” This means that you are not the problem; the depression is the problem. Once you see depression as something that shows up in your life, there are many ways to respond to it. I have had clients who form a picture of the depression in their minds. They give this picture lots of details, and then they just hold its presence there in front of them. I’ve had clients who would interview, or interrogate, the depression. Why are you showing up right now? What is it that you want me to do? Tell me what you think about me and let me see if I agree with you.
It may seem strange, but it is also playful and imaginative. And it can be just as real as “I am depressed.” Because we really are the stories we tell.
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