It is easy to take words for granted.
We use them all the time; we use some of them a lot more than others. One of the ways to get beyond this taking for granted is to look at the origin of words. Learning the origin of a word can deepen its meaning for us. It can help us find ways not only to use it in a sentence but also to express it in our lives.
The word for today: Appreciation. The most common definition of appreciation is recognizing and enjoying the good qualities of someone or something. It comes from the Latin word, appretiare, which means to set as a price, to appraise. To appreciate someone or something is more than noticing, saying “Isn’t that nice,” and moving on. To appreciate is to know, to feel, and to enjoy the deep value that this object, this place, or this person has in your life. To appreciate is to “set a price” for all of these things, not in some economic sense, but in what they add to your life.
My desire with this discussion of word origins is, ironically, to help you, to help me, grow in our appreciation of…wait for it…appreciation. All of us struggle with taking things for granted. We take our hands for granted. We lose awareness of all the amazing things our hands allow us to do in this world, until they are injured. We take our nose and mouth for granted, until a cold takes from us the ability to enjoy the smell and taste of food. In those moments, we tell ourselves that we will never again take these things for granted, but within a few days, that is exactly what we do.
Find Ways to Appreciate
This is a blog about marriage and relationships, so I am sure you can see where this is going. It is an invitation…an invitation not just to see or to notice, but to find ways to appreciate, to value, to prize your partner. We all know what it feels like when someone expresses deep appreciation for us. We all know what it feels like when we are ignored or unnoticed. We may get frustrated or irritated; often we just assume that this is what the normal rhythms of relationships are like and we shouldn’t expect much more.
So what is the remedy for regaining our ability to appreciate this person who journeys with us through life? It goes back to the old saying, “There are none so blind but those who will not see.” To appreciate the other we must see them. We will be mindful of them. We will find ways to take them into our minds and hearts and feel the value they have for us.
How do we do that?
Let’s look at some of the other meanings of appreciation and see if they can give us some ideas. Appreciation can also mean a “sensitive understanding of the aesthetic value” of something. When was the last time you spent some time just looking at your partner? Just taking in the lines of her face or his hair? As if for the first time, seeing the shape of their body or hearing the sound of their voice? Perhaps you can go back to when you first met. What was it about her that attracted you? What qualities did you see in him?
Appreciation can also mean a “full understanding of a situation” (E.g., I appreciate serious this is). Think about what your partner adds and contributes to your life. To help you think more deeply about this consider questions like: If I lost my partner, what would I miss the most? If they were on their deathbed, what would I want to tell them?
Finally, appreciation is not just thinking these deep thoughts about your partner; it is finding ways to express them. Express them with words. Express them with actions. One of the great joys of a surprise birthday party is thinking about all the effort these people went to for me, so I could experience this joy.
If there are problems or conflicts in your relationship, you may be thinking: So many negative exchanges have happened between us. How can this help? A lot. Yes, you need to figure out better ways to deal with conflict, but if you were to think of your relationship as a house, expressing appreciation and admiration is part of the foundation. So it can make a difference.
One of the great joys of expressing and receiving words and acts of appreciation is a reminder that in the middle of the daily routine of life, this person thought about me deeply enough to say or do this. I know how much they value me. I want this to tell them how much I value them.
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