The word “reflect” means to throw back without absorbing. When the sun’s rays hit the earth, heat is reflected back into space. When you look in a mirror, your image is reflected back to you. Maybe this reflection in the mirror contributed to the second definition of reflection. To think about something deeply and carefully.
The etymology of “reflect” includes two words that mean “to bend back.” This image can help you appreciate the role of self-reflection in treating your trauma.
Part of any therapy process is reflecting on the experiences in your life. You look at what is happening in your life right now. What are the choices that I am making that work or don’t work? Sometimes, you look at events from the past and wonder what they mean for your life right now. You can also look into the future and consider how you can make choices that reflect what you want to stand for as a person.
This self-reflection process is difficult if you have experienced trauma. There is the fear that if you reflect on anything in your life, it will bring up memories of traumatic events and all the thoughts and feelings that go with them. You say to yourself, “I am managing my life fairly well. Bringing up all of this stuff for reflection will only make things worse.”
And yet, I don’t think the goal of your life is to manage and to cope. You want a life of fullness, a life that finds meaning even amid challenges. Finding ways to do meaningful self-reflection can help you to do this.
But there is one thing that is important to understand. Self-reflection is very different than self-analysis.
The word “analyze” means to take apart for the purpose of examining in-depth. In therapy, I do not invite you to take apart all that is happening in your life right now so you can decide what you want to keep or eliminate. You will not look at your thoughts and feelings and experiences to decide which ones are right or wrong, good or bad.
Imagine walking through a forest and you come to a clearing. There are so many different trees and other plants there. There is a small stream running through the clearing. As you are standing there, you don’t have thoughts like this. That tree is in the wrong place; it would look better over there. Where did that stream come from and why is it going in that direction? I wish that grass was a little greener. I wish that bush was a little bigger.
Instead, you just notice. You observe. There is nothing right or wrong, good or bad, in this scene. It is just what is present in front of you at this moment.
This is the difference between reflection and analysis.
When you are reflecting on the events in your life, even the thoughts and feelings of your trauma, you don’t go back and reexperience them. You don’t try to get rid of them. You don’t spend a lot of energy trying to figure out why this happened to you. Even if you came up with reasons why, would that really help you in your life today?
Self-reflection means that you notice and observe them without getting caught up in them. Just like the tree is not in the wrong place, your thoughts and feelings are not wrong or bad. Just like you don’t need to figure out the source of the stream and why it is going in that direction, you don’t need to figure out why the trauma happened. Just like you don’t need to wish the grass was greener or the bush was bigger, you don’t need to get caught up in the regret that your life is the way it is and can’t be different.
On my trauma treatment specialty page, you will learn more about the healing that comes with self-reflection. No, it won’t make the trauma go away, but even in its presence you can make choices that align with the person you want to be.