The Importance of Values
Over the last few days, I have posted several blogs that deal with the place of values in our lives. I have talked about how naming and giving expression to our values can help with anxiety, depression, and relationships. For example, living without a sense of purpose and meaning is true for lots of people with depression. You may want to put a lot of energy into figuring out where the depression comes from and come up with strategies to avoid it or at least control it. But it is just as important to consider what you would doing, how would you be living and ordering your life if the depression were not there, or if you decided not to spend all your energy controlling it. The answers to that question would be an expression of your values.
Values are not just positive thoughts that provide inspiration or give you an emotional lift when the depression shows up. They shape and form your thoughts and they give direction to your actions. They are always there to give guidance and point you in the right direction. In this way values are different than goals. A goal is a specific outcome that can be accomplished or achieved. A value is a direction that we are always going, shaping your movement through life.
Let’s say one of your values is to continually challenge and improve yourself as a person. You are never going to wake up one day and say, “Ok, I’ve done that. I can check that off the list.” Being challenged and improving yourself is something you can always do. It is something that can move you to think and act in certain ways, even in the presence of your depression. Now there are certainly some goals that can be an expression of this value. You may decide to read a book about a topic that is of interest to you. That is something you can do and check off the list. But when it is more than an item on a to-do, when it is something that is connected to the value of challenging and improving yourself, reading that book can add some vitality to your life.
Values and Depression
You may be thinking: Okay, all this talk of values is good idea, and I’ll get to it when I figure out and control my depression. In fact, one of the reasons the depressions seems to be a powerful force in your life is that you are not in contact with your values and giving expression to them in your daily living. Life can be a challenge and a struggle. You are working on something that requires effort: learning a new sport, figuring out a problem at work, trying to help your child who is going through a difficult time. Because of the effort, especially with if you struggle with depression, it is easy to reach a place where you say, “I just can’t do this.” But if this difficult task is connected to a value—playfulness in your leisure life, being a dedicated and helpful coworker, being a supportive parent—it is easier to press on.
And when this happens, you have a solid feeling inside. You know that what you did was not just a good idea or a nice thing to do. It was an expression of something real and meaningful within you.
Now, to be sure, when you first start taking an inventory of your life to identify your values, you may not like how it feels. The depression will tell you that this bad feeling comes from your flaws as a person. You can just hold that thought lightly, without fighting it or buying into it…and still do the hard work of looking at your values. The truth is very few of us spend a lot of time doing this kind of reflection intentionally. It may seem easier to go through life on autopilot and just get by.
Are You Just Getting By?
But I’m sure none of us want our epitaph to read, “Well, he did a great job of getting by.” I invite you to spend some time asking what you really want, how you want to really be, in the different areas of your life: work/education, relationships, personal growth, leisure and play. No, it doesn’t make life easier. It may not even make the depression go away. But you will have a different relationship with it as you live from place of values.
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