Let’s begin with an exercise
Read the following statement and do all that you can to believe that it is completely true. As you do this, notice the thoughts that come to you.
I am a perfectly capable, loving, and worthy person.
What did you notice? If you are like most people, the more positive the thought you try to believe, the more resistance your mind offers. You may have thoughts like, “Well, I am a decent person, but I’m not perfect.” Or, “I think I’m okay, but if you ask my partner, they can share plenty of times when I was not loving.” It might have been a dismissive thought like, “Yeah right; who are you kidding?”
Now do the same exercise with another statement. Read it and do all you can to believe it; then notice the thoughts that come to you.
I am the worst, most useless human being on the planet.
What did you notice? Again, if you are like most people, you probably came up with thoughts like “Well, I’ve had my moments, but I’m not as bad as that,” or “Wait a minute; I do have some good qualities.”
Fusing With Your Thoughts
Both of these statements are just thoughts; they are like a thousand other thoughts that you have about yourself during the day. But what happens if you get fused with either of these thoughts. If you fuse with “I am a perfectly capable, loving, and worthy person,” you can lose awareness of some of the mistakes you make because you are human, and the lessons that you learn from those mistakes. If you go with “I am the worst, most useless human being on the planet,” it is hard to see the positive choices and actions that you make every day.
This is the struggle that a lot of people have who suffer from depression. Among all the thousands of thoughts that come into your mind during the day, you latch onto and believe those that support the depression. “I’ve been this way for so long; I’ll never not feel this way.” It can be a thought that passes through your mind, or it can become a statement about who you really are. And when it becomes a statement of who you really are, you fight it, try to convince yourself otherwise, or just give in to it.
Just Let The Thought Be There
But what would it be like to simply let the thought be there? You notice it. You let it be there. You wonder about it. You are curious about it. If you can maintain that stance long enough, you get enough emotional distance and flexibility to ask, “Does thinking about myself this way really get me to the kind of life that I want, the kind of life that is filled with meaning and vitality?”
With this emotional flexibility, you are able to let go of the control that happens when you latch onto your thoughts.
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