When you think about it, marriage is an amazing relationship. Two people, deeply attracted to each other and yet different in so many ways, begin a new life together. The first year of marriage offers you a variety of challenges. You will have experiences and encounters you have never imagined. There are significant adjustments as you lay down the foundation for your life together. Here are some essential practices that can help you and your partner embrace this exciting and challenging time.
1. Practice Open and Honest Communication
It’s not like you have not worked on communicating with each other. Now, there are many more topics and areas of life to talk about. And there will be more depth to these conversations. You can’t discuss and plan out how everything will go. Things will come up that reveal things you did not know about each other. Some of these things will reveal how different you are.
Create emotional space for each of you to share. Create emotional space to receive what the other person is saying. If you feel yourself reacting and getting defensive, acknowledge it to yourself and to your partner and try again.
It’s not just about hearing. It’s not just about understanding. It is about validating what your partner is sharing.
2. Be flexible and open to change.
There are so many changes that come with the first year of marriage. Each of you have your own daily routine. You have your own way of arranging your living space. You have your own way of organizing your time. You have your own way of handling financial responsibilities. And now, suddenly, there is another person in your space. You must figure out how to live together.
There will be times when these differences will create disagreement and misunderstanding. Most likely, your partner is not deliberately trying to cause conflict. You are bumping into something about your lives that must be adapted. So be flexible and work to find a balance.
3. Prioritize Meaningful Time…For Each Other and Yourself
If you were living separately before you were married, there was a structure and rhythm to your lives. Each of you had their own living space, so it was easy to set aside time for yourself. When you got together, there was an intentionality and focus to it.
In the first year of marriage, you are blending all the different parts of your life. In the busyness of daily life, it is easy to lose sight of spending quality time together. You should be intentional about carving our time together. It can be special date night or a weekend getaway, but it can also be a simple quiet evening at home.
And yet, you can get so focused on all that is involved in growing together as a couple that you fail to nurture your own individual growth. You had interest, hobbies, and friendships before you were married. Continue to give time and energy to them. Support your partner as they seek to give time and energy to their individual pursuits.
4. Build a strong support System.
You don’t have to go through all the changes of this first year alone. You may have friends and family to whom you can turn for advice. Look for couples’ support groups or marriage enrichment programs offered by the community or your faith group. Be willing to share your questions, and your celebrations, with those who support you.
5. Do some financial planning.
Finances are still a significant stressor for new couples. Begin, or continue, conversations about budgeting and spending habits. Create a joint financial plan that honors your common financial goals.
6. Practice Patience and Forgiveness.
During this first year, there will be conflicts and misunderstandings. Don’t personalize the conflicts. Don’t make the conflict a you versus them scenario. It is about understanding and resolving conflicts, not winning the argument.
Marriage counseling can be a helpful way to navigate the challenges of the first year of marriage. Even if you aren’t experiencing significant problems, counseling can give you some helpful relationship tools. My marriage counseling specialty page can give you more information.