When you are struggling with depression, life can look dark. Life can feel hopeless. If the depression has been around for a long time or if you have had several depressive episodes, it is easy to believe that you will never have a meaningful life. Here are five actions that you can take that will help you develop a different relationship with your depression.
1. Focus on how you begin the day.
When you wake up, the depression is there. There are the thoughts and feelings of the depression. There is a heaviness in your body. Your mind says, “Okay, here we go. Another depressed day.” You look at the day through your depression, and it dictates how you think and feel and what you do.
What if you developed the ability to look AT these thoughts and feelings and bodily sensation instead of THROUGH them? I encourage clients who struggle with depression to begin the day mindfully. Practice waking up mindfully. When you open your eyes, feel, just feel the temperature in the air and the covers on your skin. As the depressive thoughts and feelings show up, just notice them and watch them go by instead of getting caught up in them. Sit on the side of the bed and ground yourself by pushing your feet into the floor.
2. Break the day into smaller parts.
12-Step Programs talk about recovery as taking it one day at a time. But when you are struggling with depression, it is easy to see the day ahead as nothing but another day like the one that came before. So as you begin the day, don’t focus on one day or even one hour at a time. Focus on one breath at a time. As you sit on the edge of your bed, focus your attention for a few minutes on breathing in and breathing out.
With depression, as you look at the tasks of the day, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. “I can’t do all of these things, so I just won’t do anything.” Drink your morning coffee or tea once sip at a time. Focus on one task at a time and be present to all that is involved in doing it. Getting in the car and driving. Walking the aisles of the store. Looking into the face of the cashier. When you are done, celebrate and enjoy your accomplishment.
3. Focus on your senses, not your thoughts and feelings.
The thoughts and feelings of depression can dictate how you think and feel about your life. They get you caught up in remembering the pains of the past or anticipating a hopeless future.
The best way to take the focus off these thoughts and feelings is to focus on your senses. Wear clothes with bright colors that are made of fabrics that feel good on your skin. Listen to one of your favorite pieces of music. When you are eating, be present to all the smells and the tastes of the food. Take a walk and notice all that is around you. The smells in the air and the clouds in the sky. The feeling of each step you take.
4. Do something creative.
You can’t make the depressive thoughts and feelings go away, but you can transform them and give them a new context with creative expression. If you like to paint or write, set aside a time to do it. If you have a musical instrument that you haven’t played in a while, try it. Or perhaps you can do something new that you’ve always wanted to try.
5. Don’t give up.
Depression lies to you by telling you this is how life is always going to be, that there is really nothing you can do to be different.
In 1952, Florence Chadwick, a professional swimmer, tried to swim the 26 miles between Catalina Island and the California coast. As she swam a fog settled around her and Florence was getting discouraged. Her mother was in one of the boats accompanying her, and she kept encouraging Florence, “You are almost there.” Florence quit the swim, and as she got into the boat, and the fog lifted, she saw the shore right in front of her.
Two months later, she made another attempt, and again, a fog set in. But this time, Florence had a mental image in her mind of the shore, and she kept going.
The suggestions I have described here may not make your depression go away completely. But they will help you develop a different relationship with your depression that gives you the emotional flexibility to live the life you want. Pleas visit my depression treatment specialty page to learn more.