Perhaps the title to this blog sounds a bit strange to you. It would make more sense to you if I was talking about how to stop being depressed or how to stop feeling depressed. That is the way we normally think about depression. If you could stop being depressed or stop feeling depressed, then you could get on with your life.
Depression is not something that you have; in many ways, it is something that you do.
The truth is you might start engaging in behaviors that feed your depression long before you develop the mental symptoms (thoughts and feelings) that you normally identify as depression. These depression-nurturing behaviors can include self-isolation, avoidance of activities and people, refusal to engage in active problem-solving, and a sedentary lifestyle.
In their book, The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Depression: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Move Through Depression and Create a Life Worth Living, Kirk D. Strosahl and Patricia J. Robinson offer this example: “You had a terrible night’s sleep and feel out of energy when you wake up. You decide to cut back on your daily activities, including that walk you were going to take. You feel sluggish midday but power through with caffeine. At the end of the day you feel exhausted, and you also feel guilty for not doing all the things you planned. To feel better, you stay up very late watching TV. No big deal, right? The result is that you don’t get caught up on sleep, and the next day you are even more tired. And so you cut back on activities again, and feel sluggish all day—and the cycle continues! It is the same with depression” (26, Kindle Version).
You can have a bad day, where you express some of these behaviors. But when these behaviors, and the meaning you give to them, because the routine of your life, in one sense, you are “doing depression.”
When you are struggling with depression, your mind can ruminate about all the things that are wrong with your life. It can use the past and the future to create a narrative that supports these problems. And, as you can see in the example above, this narrative can begin to shape your behavior. It is not just that you had a difficult day because of not getting enough sleep. Instead, you start to feel guilty about what you have done, and you create an image of yourself as someone who is undisciplined and will never amount to anything.
So what are some ways that you can stop doing depression? It’s not a matter of thinking and feeling your way into a new way of acting; you can also act your way into a new way of thinking and feeling.
When I am working with people who are struggling with depression, I will often lead them through a series of questions.
1. What are some of the things you used to do before the depression showed up?
With this question, I am inviting them to list specific behaviors and activities that were present in their life, but which they are no longer doing. I am inviting them to consider how their behaviors have changed in different areas of their lives: personal relationships, friendships, work, social life, personal self-care, community involvement.
2. As you look over the list, how important to you are each of these behaviors and activities?
With this question, I am inviting them to talk about how much they care about them. Before the depression showed up, how much energy did you put into each of them?
3. Which of these actions would you really like to be doing again?
This is an important question. I invite them to go through the list and pick out two or three activities that they really miss and that are deeply meaningful to them. I invite them to feel, for a moment, the absence and the meaning of these activities.
4. Can you commit, even if it is a small way, to doing these activities again?
Of course, this is where the thoughts and feelings of the depression will show up. You will find yourself thinking that, yes, I will do these things…once the depression has lifted. But what if doing some of these things that give your life meaning and vitality can help you with your depression?
Once you have made the commitment to do some of these meaningful activities, I encourage you to start small. If you use to walk for 30 minutes every day, would you commit to walking 3-5 minutes? If you want to change your diet so you can lose weight, would you commit to eating one healthy meal a day? And, as you do these simple activities, I invite you to be aware of your thoughts and feelings. You mind may be telling you this really won’t make a difference. You may feel like you don’t want to do it. Even with those thoughts and feelings, can you go ahead and do it because it is an expression of something that really matters to you.
This is one of many ways I work with people who struggle with depression. If you would like to know more, visit my depression treatment specialty page.